Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You can't special order awesome
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
