I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
