Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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