College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize