why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
