It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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