if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
