Nicole vs. Life
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
