she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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