I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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