Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
