So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
