The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
