From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
there is glitter all over my balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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