This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
