; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
