i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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