It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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