My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
