u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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