During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
