She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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