I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
