grandma shit on top of the toilet
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
