All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
