my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
