I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
