my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
