where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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