I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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