he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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