Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
