Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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