Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
