when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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