but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
