Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
smell my finger.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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