the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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