apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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