So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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