I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize