my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
