im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
