I want to walk on stilts...naked
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
