i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
