did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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