the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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