I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
