so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
