friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
