Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
