great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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