Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
