How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
