I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
