I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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