i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
