I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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