the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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