He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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