I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
