i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
