What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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