Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
