I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
