Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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