Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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