***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
