bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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