The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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