If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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