oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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