saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
